Thoughts on Singleness

 Thoughts on Singleness July 2022

I am 24 and I have never even been on a date. 

“What’s wrong with me? No one has even asked me out on a date, so there must be something that I am missing, right? Is it my clothes or my hair? My personality? The way I walk, or talk? Is it that I can be a bit of a loner? Does my body, mind, or soul need to mature? Is God waiting for me to learn to be content with myself first? 

I’ve heard others say:

“it’s good to figure yourself out before dating someone else.” “Singleness is a time to do what you want.” “Being single is so free.” “God has the perfect one for you.” “Don’t worry, you will get married eventually.” “God is growing you (or your future spouse) until you both are ready.”

The reality is I may never get married. I do not feel “happy and free” about being single. 

The truth is Jesus accepts me as I am and fills in my empty places. He alone makes me worthy. In other words, nothing I do will change the fact I am single today. Not my hair, my emotions, or my spiritual maturity. 

 

Why does being single feel so hard? Here are a couple reasons:

1. Our Christian culture assumes that part of being whole is through marriage. Growing up in the church, I always had the idea I would grow up and get married and have kids. Singles in the Christian church hear that they are incomplete and less than, until they are married, as if it were a right of passage.

2. Social media flares couples celebrations in our faces. Engagements, weddings, edited selfies and online dating application ads are everywhere. To singles, it is a daily reminder of our relational status. It begins to feel as though we are unwanted, unloved. The comparisons begin. Our broken world tells us that we are not enough for another person.

 

What does God say about singleness?

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” - 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

From the words of Paul, marriage is clearly depicted here as a wholly optional and “if you have to” preface; whereas our Christian culture is treating marriage as a right of passage. These words were written after Jesus Christ lived out his life of singleness with his disciples. He never married, yet he lived in community and changed many lives. 

 

Final thoughts:

For those of you who are single and feel alone, you are not alone. Reach out to friends and your church community. Find other single friends to walk this journey with you. 

For those of you who are married, invite single people over for dinner or for a movie night. Be welcoming to your community, not just the married couples. Begin to create an open community starting with your open arms. 

No matter what your relationship status is, we can rest in the hope that Jesus fills us and sees us as beautiful in His sight, paving glorious plans for us towards eternal life. Amen. 

 

the Peace He gives to you,

 

- Megan Token